Practical wisdom from midwife and mother of six, Victoria Gordon of Red Moon Midwifery, on grace, rest, and letting go of perfect.
Finding Balance in Motherhood is the fourth and final post in a series called Conversations With a Midwife, drawing from my conversation with Victoria Gordon, a certified nurse midwife, mother of six, and founder of Red Moon Midwifery. From her offices in Jacksonville, FL, St. Mary’s and Valdosta, GA, she cares for families seeking home birth, midwifery care, and holistic wellness. If you missed them, you can read Post 1, Post 2, and Post 3 here.
“Stop doubting yourself. You’re probably doing better than you think.”
Those were Victoria’s words as we drifted from talking about birth to talking about the everyday chaos of parenting. Knowing she’s a mother of 6, as well as a busy midwife, I often wondered to myself how she “does it all.” Her answers were so simple, but profound. Things we all know and yet still need to be reminded of.
Motherhood in the Middle of It All
Victoria’s life is a swirl of carpools, soccer cleats, dance recitals, school, and work. Like most moms, her days rarely have empty spaces. She’s been the mom awake at 2 a.m. with a sick child, then up again to head to a birth, running on fumes.
“Sometimes I feel like I’ve spent half my life in the car shuttling kids to school and activities, and the other half trying to catch up on sleep…
For years I didn’t sleep. I’ve learned to prioritize it now. When you can sleep, you should sleep. I sleep everywhere; I’ve been known to set a timer and nap in the corner at a birth.
There are days I feel like I’m just moving from one need to the next, and that’s okay. That’s life with kids and birth work.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. If I don’t take a minute to rest or eat, I can’t show up for my kids or my clients the way I want to.”
Mothers often put themselves last, but it’s important to remember to take care of yourself. Ignoring your own needs only leaves you depleted for the people who rely on you most.
Letting Go of Perfect
Our conversation turned to the mental load of motherhood and the guilt we all carry about not doing “enough.” Victoria’s advice was practical and disarming in its honesty.
“If you’re the one creating the expectation of what you should be and what you should do, then you’re the one that can adjust it to be realistic. I do what I can, I’m consistent, I show up, I communicate. I am loving and kind and supportive of all of my kids. In the end, what do kids really need? They just need to know that you love them.”
Most of the things we think we should be doing are self-imposed. The pressure to be a Pinterest-perfect mom is often our own creation. Kids don’t need perfectly coordinated outfits, fancy cars, or meals from scratch every day. They need presence, love, and the sense that home is safe.
What stays with children is the memory of their mom sitting on the floor to play a game, reading a story in bed, or giving a hug after a hard day.
“I’ve learned to let go of a lot of that guilt and just focus on the moments that matter. My kids aren’t going to remember if the dishes were done. They’re going to remember if I sat and read to them or laughed with them.”
Teaching Emotional Awareness
One of the most beautiful parts of our conversation was how Victoria approaches emotional intelligence with her children. In a world that often tells kids to “tough it out,” she actively teaches her kids to name and express their feelings.
“I feel like too, with our kids, giving them the tools to say, ‘I don’t have enough today. I’m overwhelmed, and I need to stop.’ If you teach them that kind of thing now when they’re younger, when they have to manage their own life later, they already have the language to explain what they need and how they feel.”
None of us can be “on” all the time. Victoria has learned to say, “I’m feeling tired and need a minute,” which normalizes emotional awareness and self-care for the whole family.
She also uses a visual analogy and often tells her kids:
“You have a jar. All day long, things fill it up: school, chores, stress. When your jar is full, you have to empty it before it spills over. Take a break, rest, cry if you need to.”
This helps her kids understand their emotional limits and recognize when to pause. This is the foundation of a home where feelings are not only allowed but honored.
It struck me how this mirrors her work as a midwife: helping mothers find their voice, advocate for their needs, and feel safe to express their limits. The same skills that make her a thoughtful provider also shape her parenting.
Nourishing Yourself, Too
I asked Victoria what she does to recharge and what fills her back up after pouring so much into others.
“Knitting is my therapy,” she said, laughing. “I love to knit, garden, and be outside. I have to do things that aren’t about work or the kids sometimes, things that are just for me.”
Which is something everyone needs, not just busy moms. Victoria has learned to carve out small pockets of time for herself, to take a break when she needs to recharge, and to be present with her family when she’s home.
Sounds kind of like… doing it all to me.
“It doesn’t have to be big or fancy. Even fifteen minutes with yarn in my hands or my feet in the dirt changes how I feel. It’s grounding. It reminds me that I’m a person too, not just a mom or a midwife.”
Her words were a gentle reminder that caring for ourselves doesn’t always mean spa days or elaborate routines. It’s the small, intentional acts—tending a garden, reading a book, brewing a cup of tea—that keep us tethered to who we are outside of the roles we fill.
Those simple rituals don’t just restore energy; they model something important for our children, too. That their mom values her own wellbeing, and that joy and creativity belong in everyday life.
Grace for Ourselves and Our Families
Victoria’s wisdom is a soft landing for anyone feeling the weight of parenting. Her words are a reminder that we are often our own harshest critics and that our kids measure our love not in perfection, but in presence and consistency.
She encouraged me to pause and release the guilt, to see the love I already give. The ordinary moments—sharing a snack, laughing in the car, saying “I love you” before bed—are the ones that linger in a child’s memory.
She gear me the reminder we all need: Give yourself grace. Listen to your body. Love your kids in the way they need it most. That’s more than enough.
Motherhood doesn’t come with perfect balance or perfect days, but it is full of moments worth remembering. That’s why I photograph mothers: to give them something tangible to look back on when the days blur together. A reminder of who they were in the middle of it all, and how much love lived there.
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